Treatment of anxiety

How To Deal With Frustration

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How to deal with frustration

Everybody knows what it feels like to be frustrated. It’s as if the entire world throws up roadblocks to bother you. Here you’ll learn how to deal with frustration, and the best methods might surprise you. At Prayer for Anxiety, we examine all things through the lens of faith.

What Frustrates You And Why?

Some causes of frustration might be that you had it easy growing up, but now, with more responsibility, things are not as simple as before. Or perhaps you lived in a very controlled environment and were influenced by negative reactions to frustration. Finally, an environment of neglect may have caused an ongoing sensation of not having your needs met.

Stop and identify the things that cause you frustration. Do you get annoyed more with circumstances or people? Or maybe your own limitations cause dissatisfaction. Take a good look at your frustrations, then answer this question honestly: Why do these things or people bother you so much?

The Child Inside

What happens when a child doesn’t get what he or she wants? They pout, cry or throw a tantrum, and this continues until the child accepts limitations. Some common reactions to frustration are:

  • Persistent irritability
  • Lashing out, shouting or violent behavior
  • Use of drugs or alcohol
  • Overeating
  • Aggressive driving
  • Negative thoughts about others or oneself
  • Wanting to give up or feeling depressed

Vicious Cycle

Many times we get caught in a cycle which begins with feelings of frustration followed by our own negative reactions. Then we get frustrated with ourselves which magnifies the negativity until the next difficult moment comes along.

This process leaves open wounds that become more and more sensitive with each subsequent event.

Frustration Coping Strategies

Later we will look at a more faith based perspective, but here are some ways that you can try to deal with frustration.

  • Modify your expectations
  • Evaluate your reactions
  • Don’t assume the role of a victim
  • Plan ahead, be early and don’t procrastinate
  • Keep your schedule as light as possible
  • Try not to respond if your too angry. Talk later.
  • Focus on one topic per conversation
  • Listen
  • Seek to be as sincere as possible but understanding as well.

Meditate upon these suggestions. Which seem to fit best where you find frustration?

Just Be Patient?

We’ve certainly heard, or thought, that we have to be more patient. But sometimes it’s nearly impossible. However, when we understand that the enemy attacks us through our own limitations, then we can see things more clearly. In the Bible, Satan is named as the accuser. He puts terrible thoughts inside our heads. How many times have you heard yourself say/think something like:

  • He/she always disrespects me.
  • Things never go my way. I’m always unlucky.
  • He/she never sees things my way.
  • He/she deserves punishment of some kind.
  • It’s not fair that I have to deal with this person/situation.
  • It’s all their fault.
  • I always make a mess of things.

Do you see a common thread here? All these statements deal with some sort of finality or condemnation. As the devil likes it, there’s no room for hope. Instead, the evil one offers the idea that control will solve everything. But he also knows that we can’t possibly control the world so we are left with the despair of frustration.

The Power Of Patience

Patience is power. This realization can help you greatly when you look back at the statements of condemnation. Instead of letting someone or something get the best of you, you can take a step back to a position where you are truly in control. This does not mean that you won’t feel strong emotions, but you can be in command of them.

Love And Service Are Even More Powerful

Even though patience is a powerful ally, a deeper meaning can be found when you assume a position of love and service. When things don’t go your way, offer your disappointment up to God instead of getting mad. Or when someone attacks you, listen to their heart as it is crying out for help. It might be ugly, but the reality is that their soul suffers from a lack of peace.

Resist the temptation to add more hurt and be an instrument of healing instead.

This process is nearly impossible to do on your own. Some people are naturally capable of this type of empathy, but for most of us, it’s hard. The best way is to ask God repeatedly in prayer for clarity. You can ask him:

Dear Lord, free me and heal me of my frustrations and the wounds they have caused. Let me have a merciful heart like yours. Let me serve those that frustrate and attack me. Allow me to be able to see what they really need so I can then offer them hope and peace. Make me strong in your mercy and love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Not Wimpy

This doesn’t mean that you let people walk all over you. Strength from patience, love and mercy are infinitely superior than trying to be in control. Instead you react reasonably and with wisdom. You find solutions instead of looking for a fight. The threat of despair is dispersed with the Spirit of truth.

Only He Can Change You

Some things can only be changed by God’s grace. We are stubborn creatures by nature. Remember, God’s Spirit is the power by which Jesus was resurrected. Trust in God’s ability to transform you – this inspires others to change. If we give of ourselves then we tap into something miraculous. It takes time, dedication and humility, but love always triumphs over control.

Go to the Lord frequently and faithfully, especially when you make a mistake. When you see how frustrating you can be to others, Jesus pours out his forgiveness upon you. His mercy fills you and overflows abundantly bringing freedom and truth to all those around you.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

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I worry about my kids too much. What should I do?

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I worry about my kids too much

Let love free you from worry.

Germs, accidents, college, drugs, sex… the list of worries for a parent these days seems to never end. It’s normal to want to nurture and protect your child. But if you worry about your kids too much, you could be doing more harm than good.

The Real World

Let’s face it, the world is a dangerous place. Kids get sick and hurt every day. The dangers our children face can sometimes take on life-threatening, or at least life-changing, consequences. But how do you cope with this in a healthy way?

Examine Your Past

If you feel like you worry too much, it’s worth taking a look at your past for an explanation. For example, if your parents were divorced, this could be part of the reason you worry so much today. On the other hand, if your parents were overprotective, you might be imitating their behavior. A toxic family environment may also have programmed worry into your personality.

Any type of trauma, abuse or neglect in your past has a profound impact on how you see the world today. If you felt threatened all the time, then worry is a natural reaction. Identifying the source of your fears helps you manage them in a healthier way.

Responsibility

As a parent, you’re responsible for the safety of your child. But does excessive worry help you? Exaggerated worry may lead your child to be paralyzed with anxiety now or later as an adult.

Whose suffering do you want to prevent?

You don’t want to see them suffer, right? But at what cost? If your kid decided to be an attorney, would you buy a fake diploma to avoid the suffering that comes with law school? Of course not, but life is the same way. In the school of life we grow when we learn how to navigate our trials.

The more challenging question might be: Is my desire to avoid my kid’s suffering actually a desire to avoid my own suffering?

Unnecessary suffering should be avoided, but when we don’t allow our kids to grow up, they end up suffering much more later. This problem can even get handed down to our children’s children.

Money Matters

One common example is to constantly meet the financial needs of your child. You might think, “Well, once they get on their feet, then I won’t have to support them anymore.” We must accompany our kids as they learn to fend for themselves, but sometimes we end up supporting them too much.

A young bird never expected to leave the nest will never appreciate the value – and joy – of flight. If children never learn the value of work and money, they’ll have a distorted view of the world for the rest of their lives.

But what if they get hooked on drugs or get (someone) pregnant?

Again, risk and danger are real. So accept them. No amount of worry will eliminate these possibilities. But dialog with your kids can help reduce them. If you come at them with exaggerated fear, they’ll either copy your worry habits or simply tune you out. But if you attempt to engage with them at their level, as well as with sincerity about yourself, then they just might think twice.

When bad things happen

Sooner or later, your kid will get sick or hurt. That’s the nature of life, and 100% prevention is impossible. Some use this as fuel to increase their worry efforts even more. But maybe it’s better to look at things from the perspective of those who have lost their children to accident or illness.

These parents obviously suffer tremendously. But after going through the process of grief, some eventually come to a stage of acceptance. Those most at peace with their loss understand a profound truth that all parents should know: Your child has belonged to God from the beginning.

How prayer helps

When you pray for your kids, let out all your worries to God without watering it down. Let him know exactly how much you worry. And as you continue in prayer, he’ll help you to cope with your fears in a mature way. He shows you that his plan for their lives is not under your control. You certainly have a role to play, but it’s not the main role.

Also, ask to be healed of your past hurt that might be affecting how you see your child. Let God’s love heal old wounds that interfere with having a healthy relationship with your son or daughter.

The most excellent way

The best way to understand and deal with suffering is through love, not control. This is the lesson Jesus revealed to us on the cross. Worry will never get rid of suffering, but love will conquer fear. Fear makes us think and act irrationally.

Let God cast out your fears. Let him set you free to see clearly. Then you can understand your true role in your child’s life – a protective and guiding servant, privileged to walk with them for part of their beautiful life.

Here’s a prayer for your daughter or your son.

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Should I Take Medication For Anxiety?

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Should I take medication for anxiety

Where are you putting your faith?

Your heart races or you’ve got a knot in your stomach. Or your mind gets clogged with worry. You feel nervous, powerless and afraid. These are common symptoms of anxiety. Should you take medications for this problem?

Causes and Treatments

There are many potential causes of anxiety such as traumatic life events, health problems or economic hardship. Chronic stress can also lead to anxiety. Many times, however, the cause might not be so clear. Mainstream healthcare often overlooks potential spiritual causes of anxiety.

There’s a whole host of treatment options available including psychotherapy, relaxation techniques and alternative or herbal remedies. Medications are also commonly used – but should you resort to pills or not?

Do they really work?

Billions of dollars are spent every year for the treatment of anxiety, and a large portion of this goes towards medications. Many studies support the use of these drugs. The problem occurs when the medications are used by doctors as a band-aid without addressing the source of your worry.

Frequently anti-anxiety meds (or anxiolytics) are prescribed without a solid diagnosis. Or there is no accompanying counseling to help you understand your fears. Another confusing factor is that it might not be the medication that helps you at all, but a placebo effect instead. Simply going to see a doctor can bring you relief, and sometimes just taking a sugar pill makes you feel better.

Unfortunately, in our busy world, patients and doctors rush to find a convenient solution. The huge profits made from the sale of anxiolytics adds even more pressure to prescribe.

What to do

First of all it’s important to understand that anxiety is not “all in your head.” Mental health issues are serious and real. If your worry is excessive you should seek help, but choose wisely. Make sure you team up with someone who is a good listener that doesn’t just prescribe or adjust meds. In some cases, after careful consideration, anxiolytics might be indicated – but they should not be thought of as a cure.

If you don’t feel that your current care provider is willing to work with you then look for another practitioner. Also, your church should have resources to help you even if it’s just someone to talk to.

Bigger issues

The most important question might not be whether or not to take drugs, but instead, where are you putting your faith?

If you rely on pills alone you could delay a deeper, more important healing process. This affects how you react to the world around you. While medication might relieve some of your symptoms, it might also delay emotional growth. Sometimes this means you can never get off the drug.

These larger issues must be addressed for you to be healthy and strong. It could also mean that you can be drug free.

The role of prayer

One mistake Christians often make is to rely on prayer alone. While it might be the cornerstone of how we face our fears, prayer should never be used as a form of isolation. We need to talk, share, cry and be hugged once in a while too.

But there’s no question about the power of prayer to free you and heal you.

When you pray, God often reveals things to you that you might never discover through psychotherapy alone. He can show you aspects about your character that might be hidden.

For example, you might have been hurt by a person or situation in the past. Now you associate other uncertainties with a bad past experience, even if they are not really related. Or maybe you have an issue with vanity or pride which manifests itself as fear. These complex emotions can sometimes only be untangled in God’s presence.

Do the work

Jesus repeated over and over, “Fear not!” He was 100% human so he knew all about fear. But he also knew the best antidote to any fear was faith. Even though it’s important to get professional help for severe anxiety problems, don’t rely on worldly solutions alone.

If you look for easy answers, you’ll end up disappointed. Anxiety problems take time to resolve. And you always have a choice. You can spend your time paralyzed with worry, running around seeing doctors or in the presence of a God that forgives you and loves you just as you are.

Jesus Christ is the Great Physician. Go to him frequently. It takes an effort, but the rewards will go far beyond anything you can imagine.

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Everything is going wrong. Now what?

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Everything goes wrong

When even small things ruin your day where do you turn?

Have you ever had one of those days when it seems like everything goes wrong? Some people experience weeks, months or even years in this kind of situation. The advice “just think positive” doesn’t always work. So what should you do?

The little things pile up

Many times it’s not one big problem but many little things instead. Or maybe a certain stumbling block just won’t go away. Even minor issues can take up a lot of your time (ever try to change cable service?). In these moments, every new misfortune takes on monstrous proportions. It’s like having a big load in your arms, and someone asks you to carry an egg – so you have to stick it in your mouth.

Some techniques

Being overwhelmed is real – it’s not all in your head. You might experience a string of inconveniences or even outright disasters. However, your reaction to negative events makes a big difference. If you’ve had a breakdown just because someone spilled some milk, then you know how stress can affect everything.

It’s easier to navigate a crisis when you have clarity and peace. Here are some methods you can try to maintain a healthy outlook:

  • Remember that problems usually don’t last forever
  • Try to focus on one problem at a time
  • Resolve the most nagging issues first
  • Recognize what’s going right in your life
  • Visualize a future where the problems are solved
  • Accept the things that you are powerless to change
  • Be aware that trials produce patience and character
  • Go for walks to clear your head
  • Don’t add anything to your schedule (just say “no”)
  • Ask for help

Even though these methods are useful, some of them echo the “just think positive” advice that oftentimes doesn’t work. And what about the problems that do last forever?

The Threat

Many times, faith lives at the limits of psychology. For some Christians when things go wrong, Satan is blamed for these attacks. While this might – or might not – be true, the Devil certainly enjoys seeing us stressed out or paralyzed in despair.

In chapter 20 of Jeremiah, the prophet hears “many whispering ‘Terror on every side!’” And that’s exactly what it is; the enemy trying to convince you that your life is a disaster. Many fall into this temptation, and once they start believing Satan’s lies, things get worse.

Stand up and fight

Jeremiah goes on to say, “the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.” Who are your persecutors? Pessimism and the lack of hope. These are the things that keep you from invoking the “mighty warrior” that is our Living God.

When you feel like everything is going wrong there can be a palpable resistance to prayer. You feel like you have to do something, anything, besides pray. It seems like a waste of time or you’re just too exasperated. But know this: God fights for you fiercely. He’s a mighty warrior that will rise up to cast out evil and doubt. Cry out to him and things will change.

Remove your doubt

You might think that prayer isn’t practical, but have you tried it? Begin by sitting quietly and saying, “God I’m here. Speak to me.” If your mind begins to race, just let it. Let your thoughts unwind naturally, but stay aware that you are in God’s presence. As your mind begins to clear, praise God and ask him for help. You can use simple phrases like:

  • I praise you Lord.
  • Fight for me God, I need you now.
  • Dear Jesus, I trust in you.

These words have a tremendous power to put things in order. Just talk to God as you would a close friend. As your prayer continues you will experience something incredible – you will begin to think clearly and realistically. God won’t always take problems away, but he will give you the right mind to face your challenges. This is the Holy Spirit making a concrete difference in your life. And difficulties will be resolved in ways you never imagined.

Spiritual Combat

One thing is clear, Satan certainly does not want you to seek God’s presence. Evil wants you to remain emotionally isolated and convinced that your life is a series of failures. Sometimes you have to nearly force yourself to pray. And when you do, the truth comes out. What is the truth? The truth is that you are loved by a great God who forgives you and places you upon a throne with his Son. Satan does everything in his power to hide this truth from you. But a simple prayer and a moment of grace can dispel the darkness.

No way out?

Some situations do not end. Illness, death and loss exist, and sometimes no amount of faith can prevent this. God does not always offer solutions that fit our vision of the world. Instead he lets us see things from the perspective of his Kingdom where things like mercy, forgiveness and love rule. In God’s plan, you can overcome even the most difficult situations since the Spirit gives you the strength to stand up and keep going.

We know God hears our suffering and showed it in the most profound way. He sent his Son to suffer with us and for us, even to the point of taking away all the badness that we so easily bring upon ourselves and the world. When Christ’s truth sinks in, a spirit of humility grows in your heart. And perhaps Jesus’ greatest way to deal with adversity was his humility.

Glory

For Jesus it seemed like everything was going wrong too. His friend betrayed him and his disciples left him. One of his most loyal apostles denied him. Then Jesus was sentenced to death even though his innocence was unquestionable. But in every moment, Jesus looked to his Father – he gave it all up to God and the end result was glorious.

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Stuck in a dead end job? Then do this.

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Stuck in a dead end job

The way out is through Christ

A lot of people lead stressful lives. Sometimes the worst form of stress is when you feel like you are stuck in a dead end job. The reason for your anxiety may be that you feel like you have no control over the situation. Let’s look at how to approach this in a healthy, faith-based way.

Don’t water it down

Maybe your job is monotonous and seems like it has no meaning. Perhaps you have a terrible boss as well. You also have bills to pay and mouths to feed. It doesn’t hurt to look at things realistically – that way you can see solutions clearly.

Look at your options

You might hear some say that you should quit your job and start over. While this certainly is an option, maybe it isn’t the right thing for you. It’s not easy to change jobs, and not everyone is capable of starting their own successful business.

And if you have no options and you really are stuck – what then?

It’s like prison

There are some situations that can feel very much like a prison sentence. So in this case, what can we turn to? The example of real-life prisoners. When someone is incarcerated they certainly can say they feel like their life is at a dead end.

Some inmates get into intense physical fitness programs while others take up a new hobby. People have even gone on to get masters and doctorate degrees during their time spent behind bars. Your situation might be different, but options like going to school at night or taking courses online might provide you with opportunities that you thought were impossible.

Also, there are countless prisoners who have found true freedom on the Gospel message. Many of the most amazing testimonies are from those who met Jesus while in prison. Remember, Jesus was a prisoner too.

Look at Paul

In the Acts of the Apostles, when Paul was imprisoned, what did he do? He prayed and sang hymns (Acts 16).  When Paul was in what appeared to be a dead end, he raised up his voice to God because he knew the secret to true freedom.

Your freedom is found in Jesus

No matter what your situation, true freedom is interior. There are many that appear to be free and successful but live in a prison of emptiness. A deep relationship with God is so powerful that nothing can stop it. You can move about with incredible freedom in the space we call faith.

Many disabled or even bed-ridden believers are completely free as they soar on the wings of prayer to our living God. These people offer their suffering for God’s glory. You can also lift up what appears meaningless and make it glorious in the eyes of the heavenly Father. Do it for him until he calls you to do something different.

Intercession is the work of saints

If you feel that your job is at a dead end, then take on a second job: prayer. Pray intensely for those you love and care for. Pray for zones of conflict, disaster and disease, and pray for our religious leaders as pastors need the protection of our prayers. Pray for those you work for – even that terrible boss – and see how they begin to change.

This activity goes completely unnoticed by the world, but God looks upon this work with great interest. Praying in anonymity for others is a great act of faith. And if anything is ever going to impress God, it is great faith.

Your key to freedom

This doesn’t mean that you can’t ask God to change your situation, but the greater victory will be your transformation. Your life that seemed like a prison will take on a richer and deeper meaning. As your relationship with Christ grows in importance you will see that things around you begin to change.

Never give up hope. The secret to developing lasting hope is found in your trials. Paul outlined this in Romans Chapter 5 when he wrote, “because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…”

Recognizing Jesus Christ in your life puts this Spirit into your heart. So when you face a dead end, as Paul did in prison, lift up your voice and praise God. Then watch the prison gates fly open to set you free.

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Why do I worry so much about others?

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Why do I worry so much about others

Is your worry off balance?

If you are reading this you know who you are. You are the person who constantly worries about others. Most of the time it’s worry about a loved one, like a son or daughter. The problem is when worry paralyzes you or harms your relationships. Let’s find out why you worry so much about others, and how faith in God can help.

Roots of worry

It helps to know why you worry so much. Part of it is biological as some of us are programmed to be worriers. This might have entered into your personality because your mother was very worried during her pregnancy with you. Perhaps even your grandmother was worried while pregnant with your mother. In this way, excessive worry is a sort of inheritance.

Environment matters

If you lived in an overprotective environment growing up, this could have caused you to be a worrier. The other extreme – living in an environment of neglect – can also leave emotional wounds that cause worry. The unexpected loss of a loved one – especially during your childhood – can be a cause of lifetime worry patterns too.

Who are you really worried about?

In many cases, worry is a self-defense response. You’ve been hurt or suffered loss, so it’s understandable that the threat of future loss scares you. Here it’s helpful to understand the “balance of worry” because over time this can become distorted. By “balance” we mean, who’s really benefiting from your worry? For example:

  • Are you really worried about others, or are you more worried about getting hurt?
  • Are you more worried that you will look bad (“bad” parent, imperfect family, etc.) and lose what you think is perfect?
  • Are you worried because you fear that you’re losing control?

When you ask these questions, think to yourself, “Am I more worried about myself, or am I genuinely worried about the other person?” In pretty much every case, there’s a mix of emotions, but problems arise when the balance is tilted heavily in our favor.

Isolation and overreaction

The evil one looks to paralyze or divide us through fear. When our worry becomes self-serving, we look inward and take a defensive posture. Ironically we can end up hurting the person we are worried about, and this separates us from them. Satan finds great pleasure in generating isolation, division and confusion. But, as always, Christ shows us the way to victory and freedom.

Jesus worried too

In the Book of Luke (19:41-44), Jesus wept for Jerusalem. He wept for them not only for what was happening, but for what was going to happen. Perhaps worry isn’t the exact emotion Jesus felt; he felt concerned instead. He felt sorrow. His focus was upon the other, not himself.

When Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, before his crucifixion, he also worried. But even greater than his anguish was his concern for the will of his Father. This is the heavenly balance we should seek. Jesus didn’t look to protect himself, but looked instead to obey and give of himself.

Imitate Jesus and be free

It seems impossible to attempt to imitate Jesus Christ – maybe even almost blasphemous. But this is exactly what his Spirit allows us to do. God’s great love and sacrifice give us the strength to break the chains of our past. The Spirit allows us to re-balance our emotions in a healthy, Christ-like way. We don’t have to have all the answers, but we can begin to trust in the will of our heavenly Father.

Give and accept

When Jesus died on the cross, he did so with open arms. This is the only antidote against Satan’s lies. Instead of closing in, you give of yourself and you give life. Instead of hurting those you love; you accept them, and you accept what God wills for their life. If you feel your worry is selfish, ask God to forgive you. In the forgiveness of the Father you receive great peace.

Jesus’ walk to his crucifixion was made possible only by the Spirit. And later an even greater glory appeared in the resurrection. Find hope in this truth. Trust the Spirit. Ask him, again and again, to help you. Then rise up and carry your cross, like Jesus did – with confidence, courage and strength.

When you rest in God, you bring the best to your life and to those you care for – and no inheritance could be more protective or nurturing.

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What’s more harmful? Conscious or unconscious secrets?

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Unconscious secrets

The truth sets you free

Depending on the situation, hiding something about yourself can cause problems. Secrets can be a source of anxiety, but which ones are more harmful – conscious or unconscious secrets? Let’s find out how secrets can be harmful, and how prayer can help relieve this stress.

Healthy Secrets

In some cases, a secret may be healthy. For example, if someone shares with you an intimate part of their life, this is a sign of trust. Or maybe you need to make an important decision and require time to process things. Opening up too much or too early might confuse you, so it’s wise to keep to yourself sometimes.

Private Secrets

A secret that is totally private and held for a long time can have negative effects. Obvious examples are infidelity in a relationship or the hiding of an addiction. These kinds of secrets separate and isolate us from others, and the destructive effects delay healing and reconciliation.

Conscious Secrets

Even though they are private, the secrets mentioned above are conscious. You know when you are keeping these secrets and you make a willful effort to hide them. Even those these secrets are harmful, at least there is knowledge about them. This knowledge communicates with your conscious mind giving you hope for problem resolution. Other secrets are more dangerous.

Unconscious Secrets

Unconscious secrets eat away at your life and relationships since they work unnoticed. It’s like a cancer that goes undetected for a long time until it has spread all through the body.

These secrets are very hard to detect since they often mask themselves as other problems. For example, the secret might be that you feel superior to others, however, the effects show up as impatience or anger. Even though you are aware of anger issues, you might be completely blind to your arrogance. In some cases, facial expressions, tone of voice, or word choices can give subtle clues about the truth. However, things aren’t seen clearly since the exaggerated superficial effects grab everyone’s attention.

The truth can be hidden in very complex ways, such as the apparently timid person who deep down suffers from extreme vanity. In this case, shyness may be a way to avoid admitting that they are actually human after all.

The Devil made me do it

The unconscious secret is truly diabolical. The enemy prefers to operate in hidden ways while causing the most damage possible. Conscious secrets are often heaped in layers upon unconscious secrets, for example, a gambling addiction added to a lack of motivation to cover a secret envy. Like all harmful secrets, unconscious secrets separate and isolate use from others and from God.

How to get free

People can live all their lives as victims to these secret tendencies and desires. Even as conscious secrets are resolved, the hidden ones adopt other masks to hide our true deficiencies. Even Christians might adopt a religious fanaticism to hide their wounds. Modern psychology can help to unmask ourselves, but sometimes the secret is buried so deep that only a supernatural intervention will expose what has escaped years of therapy.

The greatest harm we do to others comes from these secrets that we hide at any cost. This conflict might even cause us to harm ourselves, such as through drugs, risky behavior or even suicide. The more time you spend in God’s presence, the greater you are exposed to his light, which is the light of truth. This light exposes the enemy’s lies that attempt to dominate your life.

Concrete changes

As your relationship with God develops, you begin to see yourself as you are, and this is the path to freedom. You begin to identify emotions and reactions more precisely. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m being impatient,” you more correctly think, “I’m being arrogant.” God’s Spirit is the Spirit of Truth; and the Spirit assists you in coming to these realizations.

Healthy expression

The goal here is not to suppress your emotions, but instead adopt healthy ways of expression. The key is to develop a clear understanding of what is going on inside of you. God’s goodness is the best way to get there. He will provide situations to teach you about yourself, and also give you solutions.

Jesus said that if we hold to his teachings then we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31). The greatest truth that Jesus is God’s Son, and through him we find our salvation.

Lies and deception make you a slave. Ask God to set you free to walk in the light of truth.

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How to find peace

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How to find peace

Your faith will set you free

Isn’t it what we really want after all? We just want to be at peace. It seems like in today’s world it’s harder and harder to find the peace we desire. Let’s find out why.

The Empty Promise

The power of the world offers us promises. Science, technology, government and global organizations all attempt to offer the promise of peace and prosperity. Today, we see more than ever how short the world falls from keeping this promise. For every developmental advance we seem to take many steps backward at the same time.

Humanity

We often look towards others to find the peace we seek. Even the most trustworthy person, however, will eventually let you down in one way or another. In many ways our mistakes define us, and this is part of being human. So it doesn’t work when we heap a burden of responsibility on others that only God can carry – that is, being a source of peace. Perhaps the most debilitating form of this is when we place all the burden upon ourselves.

The Fight

How many times does a disagreement remove our peace? There have been wars among Christians due to doctrinal differences. But where in the Gospel does it say you must convince others by force? The overwhelming message is that the Spirit must do the convincing; and our greatest resources are mercy and love.

Situations

Have you ever thought or said, “As soon as I get to such-and-such point in my life, everything will be better”? Then what happens? Circumstances change and other trials appear. Our lives are unpredictable, and the chaos of the world cannot give us rest. Many who are surrounded by money and power suffer tremendously.

The Immutable Presence

The common thread in all the worldly things is that they always change. Only God is unchanging and unchangeable. His Kingdom and promises are eternal. In this truth we can begin to understand where we can find true peace.

It’s Between You And Him

When we do not have peace, it means we are not at peace with God. As Jesus said, “My peace I give you” (John 14:27). His peace is not partial, temporary or based on circumstances. The peace of Christ is based on his identity and his glorious work of forgiveness. Otherwise it depends on the universe working the way you want it. If you reject Jesus’ peace, then there is a personal issue between you and God.

In the same verse, Jesus goes on to say, “I do not give to you as the world gives.” This means that true peace is purely spiritual. This is why a person that has all they need materially can be miserable while a person facing death can be at peace. It’s normal for people and situations to bother us, but you can regain peace under any circumstance.

The central issue is fear

Jesus completes the verse saying, “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” These are the words of God’s Son. These are the words of a Great King that spilled his blood for you. Even death is powerless when God’s Spirit lives within you. Like Jesus, you also are a child of God. Trust in this. Believe in this. As this truth grows in your heart you will find the peace you desire.

This does not mean you walk around with your head in the clouds ignoring your responsibilities. Instead it means you see things from a heavenly perspective. Situations that provoked intense anxiety suddenly shrink in God’s great presence. This is because you know where you stand with God. You have been forgiven. You have been redeemed. You have a place in heaven, and you are loved with the purest love possible.

Not anesthesia, but truth

Faith in Jesus Christ is not spiritual anesthesia. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. When you have the desire to know Jesus more – who he is and what he means in your life – then you see things clearly. No more monsters and no more lies. God is in control and you are his beloved child. Let the good fruit of peace come forth in abundance.

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Afraid to speak up? How To Be Assertive Through Faith

/ Prayer for Anxiety / 9 Comments

How to be assertiveHow many times has it happened to you? You wish you had stood up for yourself or someone else. Then later you beat yourself up about how things should have been. A quiet personality isn’t bad, but silence based on fear is not healthy. Let’s explore how to be assertive in a faith based way.

Assertiveness Is Based On Confidence

If you’re not assertive, you might be afraid of something. It might be a fear of rejection, conflict, criticism or making mistakes. Some people are overly assertive, and this is also based on fear. Aggressive or pushy people are insecure deep down so they sometimes harm others to get their way.

Healthy Assertiveness

If you are confident, you’re not afraid to speak your mind. Healthy assertiveness isn’t looking to put others down or gain position, but instead you speak sincerely. That’s why many people who are assertive use “I” phrases to express what they observe, want or need. This isn’t being self-centered, instead it’s talking from a place where you can be sure: your own experience. Assertive people don’t judge, but they do communicate clearly.

Passive Or Passive Aggressive

Some people confuse being passive with being humble. Passivity means that you never speak up and you never say no. Humility means you don’t push your own agenda, but you are not afraid of the truth either. Many times a mask of false humility is used to avoid conflict. Ironically this can actually hide pride or vanity, because we care more about self-image rather than truth.

The passive aggressive person holds it all in and builds up resentment. Here aggression might show itself in being very silent or talking about others behind their back. Passive aggressive people might even sabotage another person’s efforts in acts of vengeance.

Developing Assertiveness

One of the keys to being able to speak up for yourself in a healthy way is to accept reality. For example, if you have a lot of work to do and someone asks you to do more, the truth is you can’t. It takes courage say this, but if you don’t, any mistruth will cause more problems later. Psychologists offer other helpful tips on how to be assertive such as:

  • Start small – Don’t tackle big issues right away. Practice with small needs first.
  • Don’t be afraid to say no – If you can’t do something or if it goes against your convictions, just say no.
  • Avoid the guilt trap – Looking out for yourself is not wrong if you respect others. You shouldn’t feel guilt due to your limitations.
  • Look for root causes – Try to discern the source of your reactions. An apparently distant stress (money, relationships, health, etc.) can affect how you react.
  • Give yourself time – Don’t be afraid to ask for time before you speak. Process what you are feeling and give a genuine answer later.

How Your Faith Matters

In the lack of assertiveness we find our chief enemy: fear. This makes us react – or not react – in ways that cause harm. The Scriptures show us how to get rid of this fear:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18).

Fear of punishment is common. But faith in Jesus reveals to us that all condemnation and punishment have been taken away. When you fully understand how much God loves you, this drives out all fear. On this truth you can build confidence that goes beyond the psychological and rises up to the spiritual.

The Spirit Guides You

Some advocate rehearsing situations where you want to be assertive. Although this might help, the Holy Spirit is capable of making a deeper and more fundamental change in your character. You will face uncomfortable moments, but overcoming suffering instills confidence. You see clearly that God’s Spirit never leaves your side.

Remember what Jesus said:

“When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” (Luke 12:11-12)

The Highest Authority And Confidence

Time spent in prayer and reading God’s word is the best way to get filled with the Spirit. The better you get to know God, the more secure you feel. In the end, it’s not really about being assertive, it’s about being able to love.

When you love others, you want them to know the truth. You care for them so you don’t give them a false reaction, even if it is uncomfortable. In love you don’t look out for yourself, but instead you share your true self. Your true self is found in God’s will and his way. When you seek and receive his Spirit, all things become clear.

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I might look strong on the outside, but I’m actually weak on the inside

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Strong on the outside

Get free from the false image of strength

You look like you have it all together, but inside you’re a wreck. Those who experience this know exactly what we mean. You appear tough and confident, but inside you’re vulnerable. What should you do?

You are not alone

First of all, many people feel like this. For example, it’s very common for this kind of situation to occur if you’ve lost a loved one. You might seem okay, but inside you just want to cry all the time – but you can’t or life won’t let you.

Some people have lived nearly all their life like this. Maybe you’re the oldest child, and you always had to be responsible. Or perhaps the display of emotion was frowned upon – or even punished – when you were young. This is also a common reaction to being a victim of abuse.

Over the years you put on a coat of strength. You have been hurt and anyone touching or even just seeing your wounds is unthinkable. Meanwhile, the suffering inside continues unnoticed and un-cared for.

Think back

Try to remember the last time you felt free just being yourself. You might have to go way back into your childhood. Remembering may also bring pain, as you recall things that caused this sense of freedom to disappear. In prayer, ask God to guide and protect you from further damage during this process of remembering.

Reach out

The enemy wants to keep us isolated and quiet. Don’t let him fool you. Just talking heals, so reach out to someone. Be careful though not to talk with just anyone about your situation. Protect your heart, because if you get hurt again it will take even longer to heal.

You can seek professional help, but it’s also important to find someone spiritually grounded; someone with a solid and transparent life testimony. Do you know a person who is strong in their faith and lives a wholesome life? That person might just be the one to reach out to. Don’t seek advice; look for a good listener instead.

The Greatest Message is your key to freedom

What is the central message of the Christian faith? Forgiveness. When we put on a false face of strength, we might be hiding a need to forgive or be forgiven. Even if you can’t pinpoint a specific event, just knowing about God’s great mercy helps you understand what can set you free from a false image of strength.

God’s Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. When we step fully into this truth, we are the same in front of humans as we are in front of God. The truth is that we have all been hurt. The truth is that we have all hurt others. No one is exempt. But all our wounds, scars, and weaknesses can be cause for joy because of how God choose to show his love for us.

Not a magic wand, but Life

Jesus does not offer magic solutions or psychological manipulation for your problems. Instead he offers his life. He offers his innocence and vulnerability in order that you might be free. This is the greatest truth for the Christian, and it is the source of our spiritual life.

You see, it doesn’t depend on what you did or what happened to you. Jesus knows all about it. And he was crucified for all that badness. He died for you. He knows how vulnerable you are. Instead of showing you how to deal with it through control, he shows you how to overcome it through love.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It means bringing to light things that hurt us so God’s Spirit can bring us authentic healing. You can finally walk free in God’s presence.

Let the tears fall

If you haven’t cried in a while, then let it all out. Tears cleanse and heal. Present all your weakness, bruises, and shame to God. He will not reject you. He accepts you as you are.

It’s okay to admit weakness. It’s okay to not have it all under control. This only means you’re human.

Understanding this allows you to rise up, resurrected in the truth that there is a great God in heaven that loves you infinitely.